Okay, so I'm gonna spend a lot of time talking about why you absolutely need go hire yourself an escort. When you want the best bang for your buck, you get an escort. And here in Vegas it's all about scoring that secret discount. Whether it's the cheap restaurant in the back of one particular casino (I can't divulge that information, otherwise the restaurant will jack up it's prices and will ruin it for the rest of us!), or knowing which club doesn't charge a cover, you need to know a few things to save some cash.
But let's put all that aside for a few minutes. Because while you'll have one hell of a time with the Best Las Vegas escorts, there are a few things strippers can do that escorts just can't. For better or worse, these are moves you'll likely need to deconstruct in the bowels of your mind the next morning as you wave off the fog of a hangover. So, before you head on off to that ultimate strip club, here's a handful of stripper moves even the best Las Vegas escorts can't pull off.
The "Where'd My Money Go" Move
All, the classic state of confusion when waking up the next morning. So you go to a strip club and you've already had one too many drinks with your buddies. You're feeling pretty good, even though your vision is a little fuzzy. You nab yourself a private dance, because you've got plenty of money in your pocket to handle it. Next thing you know you're waking up in the hotel room and your wallet is empty. Did the stripper steal it? Well, that depends on your definition of "steal." Did she take the money out of your wallet? Absolutely not. But, she likely quoted you a crazy price on a dance and you, being too far gone to outweigh money v. naked women, you handed over what she asked. It's basically a titty-stick-up. Firm nips pointed your direction and you tossed over the cash.
It's a pretty darn good move on their part. Just make sure to not be blitzed when going into a strip club, because you'll likely end up having this move pulled on you.
The Hover Lap Dance
Dear god do I detest this dance. You're there at the club, scanning the girls for one you like. Then, like an immaculant vision, the blonde with a tight body and amazing assets walks your direction. Everything else around her disappears as you have eyes only for you. Yeah, you've turned down a half-dozen other girls for dances, but you know you're absolutely going to plunk down some cash for this girl.
So, you agree to her dance request and she leads you off by the hand to the private booths. You're all geared up for the dance of your life...and she hover lap dances you. The kind of dance where her booty never actually touches you. It just remains an inch away from your body the entire time. Like one of those magnetic plant holders that remains constantly hovering above its base. You got more booty grinding action during your homecoming dance as a sophomore in high school. It's a travesty, but unlike most things in life, you can't go to the manager and ask for a refund.
Nothing like having one girl come onto you and then ask if you'd like a second girl. What's better than that? It's a quick way to drain your pocketbook, so make sure you can swing it. It's a sneaky move, but damn it can be a fun one.
There are Good Moves, And then There's Other Moves
Now, I know it sounds like I'm razzing on the strip clubs here. And let's face it, I am. But with all that said you can have a hell of a good time at a strip club. As long as you go in looking for fun with no expectations other than seeing some Primo women (while keeping your buzz at a manageable level). So by all means hit up the strip clubs and have fun. Without expectations, you'll never be disappointed (and you'll always have a great time).